I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Can I color on your dick again?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
