just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he fucked my hip out of place.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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