We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think people are normalizing furries
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
