So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
