he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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