I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
