he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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