Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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