I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
