There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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