Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
