Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
