her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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