I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
