im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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