He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
