Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
