If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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