First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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