Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
