Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
there is glitter all over my balls
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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