There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
