I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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