i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
