I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
