what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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