Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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