okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
