from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
