I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
