I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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