Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
