Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
