um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
