ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
