Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
