You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
