Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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