So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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