There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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