his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
