I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
