Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
