Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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