you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
