the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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