Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
