i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
