I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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