He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
