Who did Billy Mays play for?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
