y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
