we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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