Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
