My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
