it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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