Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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