I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
