I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm bleeding and have questions
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