i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
