The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
